Although Cousin Myron has not yet formally announced his candidacy, Stevieslaw has learned that the Koch brother sponsored American Crossroads is planning to air several 30 second slots this spring in an attempt to upend the campaign of Cousin Myron, “early in the game.”  Spokeswoman, Betry T. Ur, said that Crossroads would portray Cousin Myron as “the flaming, red-haired radical that he is.”  She noted that the National Rifle Association is considering offering negative ratings just to cover the case of Cousin Myron and that Myron has repeatedly called climate change skeptics, “dumb-asses.”

The American Red-Headed League, named for the Sherlock Holmes short story by Arthur Conan Doyle, shot back immediately, through spokesperson Anne Ginger, She said,  “Two to six percent of Americans are red-headed. We have the largest number of red-heads in the world. Expressions like, “flaming red-headed radical” are sure to convince people of red-hair color not to vote for Republicans.”  “My god,” she concluded, “They’ve already given away the black and Hispanic vote, how can they afford to toss away the red-headed vote as well?”