Stevieslaw: Are you Republican?

Posted on November 27, 2017 by stevieslaw

Stevieslaw: How to tell if you are a Republican

Some years ago, I published a piece entitled “Are you Jewish?” in which I provided a simple test—can you slug down a pastrami sandwich on white bread with mayo or butter and lettuce and tomato? If yes, then no.

There is similar confusion today about “Are you a Republican?” Some of that arises naturally from the fact that there are two classes of Republican. The first, the more traditional Republican, is heartless and cruel—think repeal of health care that leaves 20 or 30 million people without or a tax cut aimed solely at enriching the already rich. The second group, of which Wormtongue (steve bannon) is representative, is heartless, cruel and creepy. This group believes Nazis are good people and are willing to wholehearted support a serial child molester for Senate. Years ago, I am told there was a third group—good hearted conservatives who were believed in fiscal responsibility. But that group has been hunted to near extinction since the days of Newt Gingrich.

Fortunately, both groups are heartless and cruel. The test is a simple one—are you bewildered by the lyrics of this Phil Ochs song? If yes, you are Republican.

There But for Fortune

Show me a prison, show me a jail
Show me a prisoner whose face has gone pale
And I’ll show you a young man with so many reasons why
And there but for fortune, may go you or I

Show me the alley, show me the train
Show me a hobo who sleeps out in the rain
And I’ll show you a young man with so many reasons why
There but for fortune, may go you or I

Show me the whiskey stains on the floor
Show me the drunken man as he stumbles out the door
And I’ll show you a young man with so many reasons why
There but for fortune, may go you or I

Show me the country where the bombs had to fall
Show me the ruins of the buildings once so tall
And I’ll show you a young land with so many reasons why
There but for fortune, go you or I — you and I

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Stevieslaw: All You Can Eat—Hy’s Song

Posted on November 23, 2017 by stevieslaw

For my dad, a man with great Continue reading →

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Stevieslaw: My poem “Agnes was here” is in Ekphrastic Review

Posted on November 18, 2017 by stevieslaw

Image by Jody Kennedy

http://www.ekphrastic.net

Agnes Was Here

I saw Jay last week.
It was late
and the streets surrounding
the intersection of the BMT
with the Church Avenue bus
were deserted.
He stood humpbacked,
sheltering from the snow
under the overhang
of the candy store that graced the corner.
The distance between us
had grown to a dozen years
and I thought to walk away,
but he stood blue
and shivering–fumbling
with a cigarette butt
he could no longer light.
We huddled over the subway vent
until the worst of the shakes passed.

He was years ahead
of his time,
in his artfully torn jeans
and army surplus jacket.
Who could have predicted
a generation would mimic his look,
if not his misery?

But he stole every show–
strutting the stage with his vintage Sunburst–
back when we were the next big thing,
before the booze
the smack
the nightly fights.
Back when we were family.
Before Agnes left him for the drummer—
the one we all called Einstein.

That graceless night,
I offered to find him shelter—
though he knew
I hoped he’d say no,
then slipped a few dollars
in his friendless hand
and boarded the empty bus home.

 

 

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#14 Fall•Winter 2017

Posted on November 17, 2017 by stevieslaw

I have three poems in the current issue.

Word Fountain Editors's avatarWord Fountain

View original post 210 more words

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Stevieslaw: All Tied Up in Alabama

Posted on November 16, 2017 by stevieslaw

Stevieslaw: All Tied Up in Alabama

Roy Moore’s legal team announced triumphantly this morning that they had located four women in Huntsville and five in Tuscaloosa willing to swear they were not abused by the judge. “We believe we can find a woman in the great state of Alabama willing to swear that Roy did not abuse her for every one that says he did,” said a spokesperson. “That’s huge,” he said.

Conservative radio hosts have immediately picked up on the news as have Moore/Trump supporters. Said 75 year old Judd Grace, sitting on a bench outside a gas station near Tuscaloosa, “It don’t seem fair that them liberals on the T.V. aren’t spending equal time talking about the women Old Moore didn’t abuse. “Not fair,” he concluded.

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Stevieslaw: Forgiving the Forgetful

Posted on November 15, 2017 by stevieslaw

Stevieslaw: Forgiving the Forgetful

Mary Sessions testified before the House Judiciary Committee today as a collaborative witness. She testified that her husband Jeff was among the most forgetful people she had ever met.

“I spend half of every day running around the house, searching for his wallet, his keys or his phone,” she said.

Mrs. Sessions went on to describe the amusing scene at the Washington Populist Club on K-street. All of
Trump’s circle as well as members of his immediate family belong to the club.

“It’s pretty funny,” she said. “All evening long, family and friends are rushing in and out of the front door clutching missing hats, rain coats, wallets and keys,” she continued. “Some of the wives are back and forth to the club three or four times on an evening,” she said with a smile.

“The wives call it the ‘Amnesia Club,’” she said.

Mary went on to tell the committee that forgetting the names of the people you’ve spoken to or dined with is also an endearing feature of the club members.

“Often Jeff will come home and tell me I had dinner with what’s his name—you know, the blonde one,” she said with a chuckle.

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Stevieslaw: Evolution in the “barefoot and pregnant belt.”

Posted on November 14, 2017 by stevieslaw

Stevieslaw: Evolution in the “barefoot and pregnant belt.”

Here at Stevieslaw, we are constantly amazed at the power of evolution. We could never have predicted that the same bible thumpers who would have hung Roy Moore from an oak tree in the public square for messing with teenage girls, a mere 50 years ago, now consider him the best candidate for the Senate ever.

That’s progress?

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Stevieslaw: Honest Hypocrisy

Posted on November 10, 2017 by stevieslaw

Stevieslaw: Honest Hypocrisy

Some Senate Republicans have cautiously moved away from their candidate for Senate in Alabama, Roy Moore. That, after charges that Moore preyed on teenage girls surfaced this week. Still, Republican Senators are careful to start and finish every sentence with an “If it’s true.” Try it. It’s hard to do.

Alabama Republican leaders seem less likely to abandon Moore. They are sure that Moore will still win the election, although his margin of victory is likely to suffer a tad.

Said Republican Party Spokesperson, Monu Ment, “Roy fought the good fight to keep a monument of the Ten Commandments, that he commissioned, from being removed from the Alabama Judicial Building. “McLuhan said,’the medium is the message,’” he noted. “And here is Alabama, and across the South, we’d like to modify that to “the monument is the message.”

“With that in mind, we are pleased to announce a new movement—one, that will sweep patriotic South.”

“MONUMENTS MATTER.”

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Stevieslaw: Cousin Myron promises Paradise for S. Central Brooklyn

Posted on November 8, 2017 by stevieslaw

Stevieslaw: Cousin Myron promises paradise for South Central Brooklyn

Cousin Myron, the red-headed, math whizz, who made a fortune with a progressive betting scheme on the ponies, runs a tax preparation service in the Brooklyn neighborhoods of Brownsville and East New York that he still calls home. The service is been free to residents. You may recall that Myron has memorized the entire tax code—some umpteen thousand pages—and has shown time and again that IRS agents are no match for him.

I was leafing through the South Central Brooklyn gazette today and was surprised to see that Myron had placed a full page ad for his service. I was even more surprised to read in the ad that Myron was guaranteeing that no one using his service would ever pay a red cent in income tax.

And then, just like that, I understood. Myron had read the Paradise Papers. You know, the latest leak of 13 million documents, that describes in detail how the rich and famous get out of paying taxes. Today’s release shows how the wealthy move trillions of dollars through off-shore tax havens to avoid doing things like, you know, help fund the schools or health care.

I spoke with Myron later in the day. He has just opened a dozen or so off-shore tax havens for the not rich. They all have characteristic Myron name like “Schnook’s Haven.”

“It’s gotten to the point where the only people actually paying taxes are those who can’t afford to,” wailed my socially conscious cousin. “That stops now—at least in my neck of the woods,” he said.

“Folk without means cannot figure out how to navigate the tax system. And, they can’t afford to hire people who can,” he continued. “That changes today,” he said.

“No one in South Central Brooklyn will pay any income tax, until the rich start to,” he vowed.

“Not a penny,” he cackled and added in an entirely different voice—“lunch?”

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Stevieslaw: Only in America

Posted on November 6, 2017 by stevieslaw

America

Today, we learned that Wayne LaPierre, of the NRA, will start a weekly syndicated column in over 200 newspapers. The column will most likely be called “Our thoughts and prayers,” and be presented alongside the column by Cal Thomas.

“We are only concerned,” said LaPierre spokesperson, Luna Tich,”that once a week will not be often enough.”

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