Stevieslaw Newsbriefs You May Have Missed: Saving Planet RY-N.

News from Johannesburg has most climate scientists and environmentalists decrying the results of the recent global climate conference. As Alden Meyers of the Union of Concerned Scientists noted, “… we did very little to affect the emissions curve which is accelerating, and the impacts of climate change which are climbing day by day.” Not all climate scientists are upset about the results of the meeting, however, as Smokey Diamond—our intrepid reporter—has learned. Hymie Manush, speaking for the group SPRY, says that one of the problems for scientists is predicting the “tipping point”— the point of irreversible damage for planet Earth. “This has inhibited our calculations,” Hymie noted, “And, by doing nothing now we eliminate several nasty sink terms from our equations which will allow us to better calculate environmental damage in the future.” “Face it,” said Manush, “Earth is cooked.” “You’ve seen the group running the US Senate and House of Representatives, for example.” “Hoping that they will be able to accomplish anything useful ever has the same probability for success as knocking on wood,” continued Hyman—surreptitiously knocking on wood.” “It’s much better we feel to plan on saving the next planet we inhabit—the best current guess is planet RY-N.” Let’s save that.
In totally unrelated news, Stevieslaw is happy to report the end of the “Rick” and “Scott” era in American politics. “The only thing that could revive the era of short, catchy first names is the nomination of Rick Santorum which we hope to hell is not possible. We face an election between Barack and Mitt or Newt and that is refreshing—although certainly Colonel Cathcart (see, Catch 22) would not be pleased.

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