Stevieslaw: Everything you always wanted to know about the Trump tax cuts but were afraid to ask.

Posted on October 21, 2017 by stevieslaw

Stevieslaw: Everything you always wanted to know about the Trump tax cuts but were afraid to ask.

Are you wealthy?

YES: Rejoice!

NO: You are going to get hosed!

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Stevieslaw: It could happen here department

Posted on October 20, 2017 by stevieslaw

Stevieslaw: It could happen here department

Trump Tweets:

6:21 AM. I did not press the red button. If CNN and those other fake news stations say I pressed the red button, they are lying. Fake News.

6:28 AM. And anyway, Obama never gave me the nuclear codes—left with them. Obama did it. Just another case of a former President grandstanding. SAD.

6:34 AM. Where the hell was Uruguay anyway. Nobody knows where it was. Nobody cares. And, the damage wasn’t as bad as all that. Hiroshima was way worse. That was a real bombing.

6:47 AM. I am getting a lot of thanks from all sorts of leaders around the world. Rogue regime. Needed to go. It will cut down bigly on illegal immigration—believe me. Gratitude pouring in– U.N. in joint session. Probably want me to talk.

6:51 AM. If players in the NFL are going to take a knee during the anthem, they should rounded up, put in uniform and sent to Afghanistan. Immediately. Are there no patriots left?

Posted in gang gang dance, Humor, parody, sleepless in state college | Tagged , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Stevieslaw: Why no one is home

Posted on October 18, 2017 by stevieslaw

Stevieslaw: Why no one is home

In Catch 22, Colonel Cathcart spends every waking hour planning his campaign. The logistical problems are examined with the help of staff—one Colonel Korn to be precise. Sure Cathcart knows there is a war on. And, sure he knows he is in charge of an American bomber group. But all that is insignificant in his push to become a general.

Now, we have learned that a Republican Congressman from Pennsylvania, Tom Marino, helped craft a bill to cripple the DEA’s ability to stop the sale of illegal opiates. We learned that Donald Trump wanted Marino as Drug Czar. Well that’s just business as usual. But, we also learned that the bill passed the House and the Senate unanimously and was signed into law by President Obama.

As a friend might say, “WTF?” Did anyone read the bill? Did anyone check with the DEA. Senators are allowed 34 full and part time staff members, while Congressman are allowed 18 full time and 4 part time staff. What were they up to?

Smokey Diamond was able to get hold of L. Ted Focus, assistant to the assistant Chief of Staff for Senator Toomey.

Mr Focus was quite direct. “No, we didn’t read it,” he said. “We have a re-election campaign to run.”

Ah, that explains it. Or, as a friend might say, once again, “WTF?”

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Stevieslaw: Guest Poem–Closed Casket

Posted on October 17, 2017 by stevieslaw

A poem by my friend, Lisa McMonagle, that just appeared in Eclectica. Enjoy.

Closed Casket

We crowd into line
outside the funeral home,
to pay our respects
to Luke’s mother,
eyelids shut
like the casket lid,
to his father, antsy
indoors, and Luke,
locked inside the casket,
hiding the way he played tag
in his parents’ backyard
at dusk, the adults’
cigarette tips glowing
safety from the porch,
while we snuck
tree trunk to tree trunk,
not knowing where “tag”
might come from, staying
clear of the dark woods,
never imagining death
in an open field
on a sunny July day,
Luke, stacking bales
on the wagon lurching
behind the tractor
his father steered
over the hilly fields.
One deep rut toppled
Luke under the baler,
leaving an evenly spaced
trail of body parts
on the neatly shorn stubble.
The grownups whispered
the story and we strained
to hear, as if it was bedtime
and they were reading
Grimm’s Fairy Tales.

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On Kebler Pass

Posted on October 17, 2017 by stevieslaw

A fine poem by my friend Sarah Russell

Sarah Russell's avatarSarah Russell Poetry

dust the ferns with my ashes —
there, among the aspen
trembling gold against the sky.
Let them settle, sighing,
on the still warm earth of autumn
where the next peak calls your name.

Snow will come. The wind will show me
paths the doe and vixen know. The moon
will call me with her crescent mouth
and share stories of the embered stars.

– Sarah Russell
First published in Poppy Road Review
for Poets United Poetry Pantry
Photo Source

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Stevieslaw: Summer Solstice

Posted on October 16, 2017 by stevieslaw

My poem just appeared in the October/November issue of Eclectica Magazine.  Read the whole issue at Eclectica.com.  My friend and fellow poetry group member, Lisa Mcmonagle, also has a poem (Closed Casket) in the magazine.  Her poem received special recognition.  I will put it up tomorrow

Here is the link to the poetry.

http://www.eclectica.org/v21n4/poetry_list.html

 

Summer Solstice

The last time I passed this way
my mother had smiled
and asked about the old neighborhood,
and I, wanting to please her,
dropped off the highway
and circled the streets of my childhood.
Today, as I turn off the parkway,
I am her age and alone.

The red-brick tenements,
that seemed to have sprouted
from these streets, have long
given way to monoliths
of poured concrete
and cinderblock
warehouses for the poor.
And although the buildings
and the street names have changed,
this place will never be one that
people might aspire to live in.
Yet, I was mostly happy here,
sweating out my summer
days in that schoolyard.
I do not remember when we changed.

As I swing back on the highway,
the streetlights ease on and the shadows,
destined to envelope this timeless place,
do, for one last time, gently fade.
And although the sun
may pause and retrace its steps across the sky,
I will not return to Brooklyn.

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Stevieslaw: Big Yellow Taxi

Posted on October 13, 2017 by stevieslaw

A guest editorial from Joni Mitchell.  Anyone else miss Obama? I thought you might. Remember: friends don’t let friends vote Republican.

Some lyrics from big yellow taxi.

They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot
With a pink hotel, a boutique
And a swinging hot spot
Don’t it always seem to go
That you don’t know what you’ve got til its gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot

They took all the trees
And put ’em in a tree museum
And they charged the people
A dollar and a half to seem ’em

No no no
Don’t it always seem to go,
That you don’t know what you’ve got
Til its gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot

Hey farmer farmer
Put away the DDT
I don’t care about spots on my apples
Leave me the birds and the bees
Please!

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Stevieslaw: The Khardashians New Hit Show

Posted on October 11, 2017 by stevieslaw

Stevieslaw: The Khardashian’s New Hit Show

Here at Stevieslaw, we are generally not fond of memoirs or reality TV. Sure, Smokey Diamond, for reasons of her own, faithfully watches “This Cat’s Life,” on Animal Story TV, but that’s about the extent of it for all of us.

That is all about to change as this Saturday night’s premier of The Khardashian’s in the Oval Office is sure to take the nation by storm. Stevieslaw has learned that the general theme of the show revolves around the Khardashians saving the world from a nuclear holocaust by—you know—being the Khardashians. In the first episode, the world is on the brink of nuclear war until Donald Trump notices Kim and Kourtney sun-bathing topless on the White House lawn.

Uplifting! There is a glimmer of hope America!

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Stevieslaw: Trump Tweets: Who’s the Moron Now!

Posted on October 10, 2017 by stevieslaw

Stevieslaw: Trump Tweets: Who’s the Moron Now!

EPA chief, Scott Pruitt, announced this morning that the U.S. has entered into an energy deal with China. “The U.S. will trade solar panels and wind and water turbines to China, said Pruitt, in exchange for their surplus coal.”

“China has embarked on an ambitious—some might say overly ambitious—plan to convert to “green energy” and to break with their traditional use of coal,” continued Pruitt. “They claim to be doing this with the intention of improving the lives of this and future generations. Hah! We haven’t, as yet, been able to uncover their true motives, but we are working on it.”

“They are practically giving us the coal—their cleanest, sweetest burning coal.” concluded Scotty.

Trump tweeted that this was the kind of sweet, America first deal, he had promised in his campaign.

“We really pulled one over on them,” Trump’s second tweet read, “Who’s the moron now.”

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Stevieslaw: The High Church of Whatever

Posted on October 7, 2017 by stevieslaw

Stevieslaw: The Birth of Whateverism

Now that organized religion is making a comeback under the Trump Administration, we at Stevieslaw think it’s high time we got in on the action. It’s hard to argue that picking up the check is against your religious beliefs when the people you are trying to stiff know fully well that you haven’t any and that you agree with the vast majority of Americans who believe god left with the good silver after emptying the bank accounts. I believe he just checked in at the local Marriott on a planet that still has a chance.

So, in honor of my mother, who when faced with people painted pink and parading as penguins on the local beach as the lead story on the 6:30 news, would simply say “whatever” and proceed to the kitchen to make more coffee, we give you “Whateverism.” Whateverites, when faced with something that makes their noses itch or that makes them vaguely uncomfortable can soothe their collective religious consciousnesses—can assure their non-complicity in the horribleness before them, by saying “whatever” and moving on.

So the next time your self-righteousness kicks in and you are planning on speaking for god—now doing the back stroke in the Marriott’s sumptuous swimming pool, just say “whatever” and you are off the hook.

Try it!

Donations to the High Church of Whatever will be tax deductible sooner or later. Any money over and above that needed to support our soon to be lavish life style will be used to stimulate the local economy—through losses at casinos, race tracks and with our local bookie, Benny. Give whatever.

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