Stevieslaw: Trump to adopt N. Korean model in Secretary of State Choice

Posted on December 6, 2016 by stevieslaw

Stevieslaw: Trump to adopt N. Korean model in Secretary of State choice.

Edgar Maddison, the 28 year old from North Carolina who opened fire in a DC restaurant that was the subject of a fake news story, has “moved to the top of the list of potential Secretary of State nominees,” said transition team spokesperson, Nowair T. Hide. The news story claimed that the Clinton campaign was running a child sex ring from the restaurant and Mr. Maddison wanted to find out for himself. American Nazi groups (formerly known as alt-right groups) have called Maddison a hero—a 21st Century Don Quixote, and a fine example of the American educational system at its best.

Steve Bannon, soon to be Trump’s Chief of Staff, said the choice of Maddison would send a strong message to our adversaries around the globe. Bannon noted that, “aside from the bankers and wall street financiers, the Trump picks have all fallen under the umbrella of inexperience and unpredictability. His chosen people are not likely to act rationally. Can you imagine how effective this guy would be in a meeting with the Chinese, he continued? “How can you ever get a read on a guy that would not only believe a story like that but would believe it to such a degree that he would also act on it? Inscrutable—hah.”

“Mr. Maddison also carries with him a hair-trigger potential for violence,” said Trump transition spokesperson, Mr. Hide. “Irrationality, the threat of violence, and access to nuclear weapons is quite a combination to have when dealing with friends and foes around the world” “It is essentially the N. Korean model on steroids,” he said with a winning smile, “and just look how well the N. Koreans are doing.”

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Stevieslaw: Cousin Myron Reflects

Posted on December 2, 2016 by stevieslaw

Stevieslaw: Cousin Myron Reflects

I don’t often hear from Myron’s wife Marsha. We decided, independently, that limiting our discussions to just the state of our respective children’s well-being would do much to promote world peace. When Marsha does call, it means that some new and unusual craziness has come upon Myron—whose normal crazy seems to most, nearly boundless. As perhaps you know, Myron is my favorite cousin, an idiot-savant with such a remarkable facility in mathematics, that it allowed him to make gobs and gobs of money betting on the ponies. In many ways, Myron is the anti-Trump and many people are still angry with him for dropping out of the presidential race.

Marsha wanted to know why Myron would take down all of the mirrors in the house—including the ones in the bathrooms. Myron is a year older than I. We are both old enough for social security and medicare and all those senior’s perks that gray hair buys you at the local businesses. He had children late, however, and his twin teenagers are taking the loss of mirrors very, very hard. “They think it’s a statement on their excessive vanity,” she said.

I had to confess to Marsha, that as expert as I was in all things Myron, I hadn’t a clue why he would take the mirrors down. “I’ll think about it,” I told her, although we both knew I was lying.

As coincidence would have it, I started a new yoga class that day at a spanking new facility. I recommend yoga. An hour away from the real world for ten or fifteen dollars is a real bargain. I noted with a smile that the studio had one full wall of mirrors—maybe, I would be enlightened about Myron’s strange behavior. For the first set of “warrior” exercises, I faced away from the mirrored wall. Those of you my age or older don’t have to be told that inside every “senior” resides a fantastically fit “twenty-something.” In my mind’s eyes, my Warrior II pose was amazing—strong and easy, a perfection of position. For the second set, I faced the mirror.

After yoga, I called my Cousin Myron to say, “Can I buy you lunch at our favorite deli? Yep, my treat.”

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Stevieslaw: Smog Gap Threatens America’s Standing in the World

Posted on November 30, 2016 by stevieslaw

Stevieslaw: Smog Gap Threatens America’s Standing in the World

Children of the 1950’s are sure to remember The New York Yankees, The Boston Celtics and the missile gap. It was widely believed that the Russians had more and more powerful missiles and that if the “missile gap,” were not closed—and damned fast, Americans would wake one morning to find Soviet missiles raining down on their cities. But more than the fear of losing a nuclear exchange (perhaps with the understanding that the winner would have little cause for celebration), Americans felt a very tangible loss of prestige. It is well documented that before the missile gap, Americans walked with their shoulders back and their heads held high. In the 50’s, we slumped, refused to smile, and began to take Valium.

And now, Republicans—at the local, state and federal level, are at least as concerned about the growing Smog Gap as we were about the missile gap. Said Republican spokesperson, Bron Citis, “we are simply not holding our own against China and the emerging smog powerhouses of India and Pakistan. We are even falling behind our Latin American neighbors—Chile is one example.”

Myron Ebell, Trump’s pick to head The Environment Protection Agency, weighed in as well. “The smog gap is probably a larger concern than the Global Warming farce, although the two are certainly related.” “Rolling back mileage requirements on automobiles and trucks will certainly help,” he said, but if you want reliable air-pollution and smog—comparable to what the powerhouse nations routinely produce, you must bring back coal. President-elect Trump is wise to demand a return to coal.”

Steve Bannon, chief advisor to President Elect Trump, was clear in assigning blame. “The whole Frankenstein monster of insufficient smog and air-pollution may be laid at the feet of the liberal conspiracy. It can easily be traced back to the “Clean Air Act,” which was signed into law by the well-known socialist, President Lyndon Johnson, in 1963. We should have no problem in rolling it and its numerous amendments back.”

Bannon acknowledged that some people might be adversely affected by smog and air-pollution, but noted that, “a society does not become strong and great by worrying about its sensitive types.”

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Stevieslaw: James Agee Guest post

Posted on November 27, 2016 by stevieslaw

From today’s Writer’s Almanac on the occasion of James Agee’s birthday–   In an article that later became, Let Us Now Praise Famous Men*” Agee wrote: “A human being whose life is nurtured in an advantage which has accrued from the disadvantage of other human beings, and who prefers that this should remain as it is, is a human being by definition only, having much more in common with the bedbug, the tapeworm, the cancer, and the scavengers of the deep sea.”

• With photos by Walker Evans Continue reading →

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Stevieslaw: Kickstarter to feature DNA Tests for Racists

Posted on November 25, 2016 by stevieslaw

Smokey Diamond learned today that the ancestry group–findyourroots.com, has put up a kickstarter page to raise money to provide free DNA Tests for racists.  The tests which will determine percentage country or region of origin cost about $100.  People who take the test are invariably surprised by how diverse their backgrounds are.

Said CEO, Frui T. Cocktail,  “We’d certainly like everyone in the country to take the test, but it is essential for racists–since the person you are currently disparaging is very likely your cousin.”

 

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Stevieslaw: Thanksgiving

Posted on November 23, 2016 by stevieslaw

Thanksgiving

 

I picture you happy

and at the shore.

Just a short walk

from the once fashionable resort

you may remember visiting

years and years ago.

It is off-season and

the corduroy jacket

you have worn forever

is not quite warm enough.

You hug it to you

with reddened hands–

a poor replacement

for the large brown buttons

you have never found

in all those years

of thrift store meanderings.

 

The storm that cat- whorled through,

as if confirming the season’s demise,

has left the beach and small pier

you stand above in artless disarray.

A sailboat has been lifted from its mooring

and left upon the beach,

like the plaything of a distracted child.

The waves will take some hours

to quiet and the air retains

the faint taste of ozone,

that brings a sharpness to your senses.

The red in the distant, cloud-free sky

promises a particularly fine morning.

It will break both clean and crisp.

 

I picture you happy.

I picture you

easy in anticipation.

The old coat slips

open, exposing

a lining matted

and yellowed with age.

Once again you glance

at your watch,

as if surprised to find it on your wrist.

A fine watch

of timeless design–

a gift perhaps from someone

who knew you

when such things mattered.

 

I picture your smile.

A fine smile—

a gift to those

who, over time, have cared for you.

Do you remember when that friend–

the one you have not quite forgotten,

said you smiled through your eyes?

 

I picture some good thing

coming this way for you.

Soon. Indeed,

in my picture,

it has already set out.

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Stevieslaw: Jeff Sessions urges good ol’ boys to be patient

Posted on November 22, 2016 by stevieslaw

Stevieslaw: Jeff Sessions urges good ol’ boys to be patient*

Jeff Sessions, Trump appointee for attorney general, cautioned his followers “not to expect miracles.” Sessions, in a remarkably candid interview, said that the work of restoring slavery would take months rather than days. “We have amendments to repeal, slave quarters to build, and auction houses to start up—it will require a great amount of work,” he told CNN. “Further,” he said, “the importance of restoring the slave economy will not be apparent until we deport the 13 or 14 million illegal aliens that do the work that no one else wants to do.” “Do you want to pick cantaloupe,” he continued. “I thought not.”

Sessions was more optimistic about obtaining reparations for the families of former slaveowners. “This is an easy bill to move through a Republican Congress—particularly if we work at night with the lights out,” he said.

“We won’t let you down,” he said with his boyish grin, “Especially now, when the South has finally won the war.”

*Reprinted without permission from the Alt-left news—which could have been voted the best “post-truth” journal on the internet by the Huffington Post.

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Stevieslaw Exclusive: Secret Service Code Names (Steve Bannon now Wormtongue)

Posted on November 17, 2016 by stevieslaw

Stevieslaw Exclusive: Secret Service code names(Steve Bannon now Wormtongue)

It has long been known that the Secret Service uses code names for the President, Vice-President and his closest advisors so they may react to an emergency without letting an adversary know what they are responding to.

Now, our very own political correspondent, Smokey Diamond, has come up with the names the Secret Service will be using for the new administration. Smokey tells us that the names have been derived from the last two volumes of The Ring Trilogy by J.R.R. Tolkien. In the interest of National Security, Smokey has refused to divulge the codes used for Donald Trump or Mike Pence (feel free to pencil in Sauron and Saruman next to their names if you like), but citing that same national security, Smokey is thrilled to be able to tell everyone that Steve Bannon is now know as Grima Wormtongue.

Wikipedia has:

Gríma, called (the) Wormtongue, is introduced in The Two Towers as the chief advisor to King Théoden of Rohan and henchman of Saruman. Gríma serves as an archetypal sycophant, flatterer, liar, and manipulator, and is considered to be based by Tolkien on the Beowulf character Unferth.

Wormtongue has also been known to eat hobbits and to lust after youngish elves.

Smokey feels that Wormtongue a concise and accurate characterization of Steve Bannon—“always call a nazi a nazi,” she is fond of saying.

Here at Stevieslaw, we suggest that everyone use the appellation “wormtongue,” any time they want to write or talk about Mr. Bannon—oops, I mean wormtongue.

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Stevieslaw: Flotilla

Posted on November 12, 2016 by stevieslaw

My poem, “Flotilla,” won honorable mention in last week’s Poetry Nook’s contest.  It was originally published in, “Weatherings” an Anthology of poetry about homelessness, aging, and our planet by Future Cycle Press as part of their good works project.  The project seems even more appropriate today.

Flotilla

You left behind
one half a jelly donut,
stale as last Wednesday;
some clothing, moth-eaten,
mildewed; two shoes,
one black, one brown,
with newsprint for the soles.
You left behind a paper sack
of winter warmth, and poetry
by Whitman, Poe and Crane,
well-fingered and browned in age.

You walked into the river
and left behind four dollars
and eighteen cents, which I
have spent on coffee
and a banana nut muffin,
that crumbled in its freshness.

Your poetry; penned
in your perfect prep school hand,
was stuffed inside two newish socks
atop the brown and laceless shoe.
It is unnervingly good,
but I can use the socks.
I crumpled your words in their freshness,
and set them to sail upon the river,
page by remarkable page.

 

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Stevieslaw: It can’t happen here department

Posted on November 9, 2016 by stevieslaw

The Writer’s Almanac ran this today.  Smokey and I feel as if some entity is trying to tell us something.  If only we could figure it out.

 

Today is the anniversary of Kristallnacht, the Night of Broken Glass (1938). Hitler and Joseph Goebbels used the assassination of a German diplomat by a Polish Jew as an excuse to organize a “spontaneous” riot. Goebbels told an assembly of National Socialists that “the Führer has decided that […] demonstrations should not be prepared or organized by the Party, but insofar as they erupt spontaneously, they are not to be hampered.” Throughout Germany and parts of Austria and Czechoslovakia, Nazi Stormtroopers and Hitler Youth put thousands of synagogues, homes, businesses, and schools to the torch — and blamed the Jews for the damage they caused. They smashed windows, looted shops, dragged Jews from their homes, and desecrated graves. The government gave instructions to firefighters not to intervene, and told local police to round up as many young Jewish men as their jails could hold. It was the first mass incarceration of Jews by the Nazi government, and so many people consider Kristallnacht to be the beginning of the Holocaust.

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