Stevieslaw: Centered Magazine

Once a quarter, I will help choose a poem for Centered Magazine.  For the Autumn issue, Sarah Russell’s fine poem “I lost Summer Somewhere” appeared.  Stay tune for a prompt for Winter and if you are in the Centre Region (PA) make sure to pick up a copy of Centered.

 

I lost summer somewhere

 

in the wildflowers, woke
to trees blushing at my disregard,
wind hurrying the clouds along.
I should have seen the signs.
I watched geese abandon their twigged
April nests, pin-feathered goslings
ripple ponds listless with July. Now they rise
gray against the gray sky, skeining south
before first snows.

I’ll stay here, I tell them. I’ll air out
cedared cardigans, chop carrots
for the soup tonight, cross
the threshold of the equinox,
try not to stumble.

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Stevieslaw: Someone Else

Stevieslaw: Someone Else

Now that patient’s rights groups, health insurance companies and the American Medical Association have lined up against the Graham-Cassidy health bill, Republican leaders have been assuring their constituents that any negative fall-out from the bill will only affect “someone else.”

A spokesperson for Senator Graham told the nation, “There are winners and losers in any legislative effort. We guarantee that any loss of coverage or increase in premiums for coverage of pre-existing conditions will not affect you, your family or anyone you know or love. They will only affect someone else.”

President Trump echoed this remark by stating, “Although a few real losers might suffer a little, the passage of this bill will be a huge win for nearly all Americans.”

Move along America. There’s nothing to see here. It’s all good.

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Stevieslaw: FEMA to Assume Cabinet Status

Stevieslaw: FEMA to Assume Cabinet Status

Congress today announced plans to promote The Federal Emergency Management Agency to Cabinet status. Spokesperson, Atal Castia, said, “With the rebuilding of Texas estimated to cost 120 billion and bills still out for rebuilding the Florida Keys and Florida, Puerto Rico, and the U.S. Virgin Islands the budget for the FEMA will dwarf those of the other Departments. The budget for the Department of energy is roughly 30 billion, while that of Commerce is about 10 billion. It appears rebuilding huge swarths of America after they are ravaged by monster storms will be a driver of the Federal Budget for the foreseeable future.

Maybe, forever. Most scientists would agree that the warming of the oceans can not be directly linked to the number of hurricanes and winter storms. But the strength of these storms and the amount of water vapor in the atmosphere will increase with increasing water temperature, resulting in stronger storms with more rain or snow. In the interest of scientific precision, we must mention here that Hymie Manusch—conservative talk radio host and former used car salesman, disputes these finding every evening at 6. He can be very persuasive.

So, although we have all learned from Chief Meteorologist, Donald Trump, and his minions that human influenced climate change is a hoax, we will still have to pay for the damage. That, as Hymie might say, is the definition of a cruel hoax.

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Stevieslaw: A Perfect Plan

Stevieslaw: A Perfect Plan

Republicans in the Senate are rallying around the Graham-Cassidy bill to repeal and replace Obamacare for good reason. The non-partisan Congressional Budget Office, whose estimates have been a wet blanket for the other Republican repeal and replace plans, have announced that some estimates of the influence of this new plan will not be available before the anticipated vote. That means that Senators will get to vote on the plan without knowing how it might influence some minor things, such as health care enrollment, budget, and Medicaid.

Con Tipated, spokesperson for Pennsylvania Senator Pat Toomey—a strong supporter of the bill said, “that’s wonderful.”

“If the we enact this bill,” he continued, “And health care in America improves, Pat can say he was there and voted for it. If it fails miserably for most Americans—as seems very, very likely, Pat can claim that while he did not know the nitty gritty of the bill—he is not a doctor after all, its failure is certainly just another consequence of Obamacare, which in a weird way, it is.”

“This bill ticks all the boxes in Pat’s agenda,” said Mr. Tipated. “That is, it is likely to help get him reelected.”

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Stevieslaw: The White Rabbit to the Rescue

Stevieslaw: The White Rabbit to the Rescue

Pennsylvania is one of many states still trying to recover economically from the Great Recession. In many ways, our lawmakers are to blame for not being sufficiently “quick on their feet.” Minnesota, for example, immediately changed the name of the state to The Minnesota State-too-big-to-fail Bank and benefited from a generous federal bailout.

Republicans have controlled both houses of state government for many years in Pennsylvania and have steadfastly refused to raise taxes. They have even refused to follow the example of all other states and raise taxes and fees on the Marcellus Shale fracking companies, for fear their reelection campaigns will be underfunded. Over the years, they have borrowed money, cut non-essential spending—Governor Corbett cut the funds for public education by a billion dollars, and taken money from other programs.

The state will lose its ability to pay its bills on Friday. While for many families that’s as common as the Friday before payday, it’s a relatively new feeling for the state. The PA House, back from vacation in the nick of time, has come up with a radical plan to borrow and cut non-essentially spending and shift money from programs that don’t need it—like public transportation. Some spoilsports have pointed out that the budget plan depends on shifting money from programs that don’t exist.

Now, House Speaker, Mike Turzai, has come up with a startling new plan. He will borrow the money from his friend Harvey, an invisible 6 ‘ 31/2” white rabbit—you may remember him from the movie of the same name. Mike says, “This will revolutionize funding in Pennsylvania. And Harvey has lots of money, he’s always buying the next round at the local.”

We are not alone at likening the current Republican Party to the know-nothing party of the mid-1850’s. The party, which was known actually known as the American Party (earlier the Native American Party) was an anti-immigrant and anti-Catholic movement. When adherents to the party were asked about the specifics of their party’s platform, they were told to reply, “I know nothing.”

It would be refreshing if the current Republicans could return to that simple statement. They could still say “I’m not a scientist,” as long as they didn’t continue with the “but.” Think of all the absolute garbage we would not have to hear about reproductive rights, nice white supremacists, climate change and the poor, if they would just respond with the simple and accurate, “I know nothing.”

Too much to hope for?

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Stevieslaw: Mother Earth denies bias

Stevieslaw: Mother Earth denies bias

Mother Earth, in an interview with our own Smokey Diamond, defended herself from Right-wing radio hosts—Rush Limbaugh and the like, who have taken to describing her as an Anti-American liberal tool whose primary interest is in destroying the White Christian race.

Mother Earth told Smokey, “I did not vote for Hilary Clinton or for Barack Obama. I am, by definition, a citizen of the world—the face of the world if you like, and cannot vote in any election, in any country.”

Mother Earth denied targeting America in the recent series of hurricanes. “I really don’t make the rules,” she said. “I am, we all are, governed by the rules of science—there are many even I don’t fully understand. I am not capable of targeting and I have no bias against any race. There were huge floods in Bangladesh last week, that went largely unreported in the United State.”

Mother Earth did admit to Smokey that her climate was changing. “It is getting hotter and hotter,” she said. “And I am finding it harder and harder to rest with all the vibrations and noise from fracking.”

“At this point, Smokey,” said an exasperated Mother Earth, “I would describe my mood as seriously cranky.”

 

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Stevieslaw: Trump to Switch

Stevieslaw: Trump to Switch

Just after a White House meeting with Mitch McConnell, Paul Ryan, Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi, President Trump announced he had changed his party affiliation to Democrat. Trump, in justifying his decision, referred to McConnell and Ryan and “dumb and dumber” and remarked that McConnell, in particular, had “no fashion sense.” “He’s a stuffed shirt and it’s a cheap shirt,” remarked the President of the United States.

Trump spokesperson, Ivanka Trump, said “My dad feels that the Republicans in Congress are not capable of getting anything done—look at the mess they made of the simple “repeal and replace Obamacare” process. He was once a Democrat and now he is again. It’s not a big deal.”

Most Democrats seem willing to give Trump the benefit of the doubt. Tom Perez, head of the Democratic National Committee, said “This solves a lot of problems for the party. And, I’m sure, in time, we will learn how to control and curb his worst instincts.” Nancy Pelosi said, “Trump has a good heart and sacrificed a great deal to be President. I’m sure we can learn to work with him,” while Hilary Clinton noted that Trump has been a good father and that his not-yet-indicted-children have turned out wonderfully well. Only the contrarian, Bernie Sanders, broke with his former allies to say, “Are you people nuts, he’s the same asshole he was yesterday.”

Republican response has been muted. Mike Pence immediately switched his party affiliation, smiled broadly and gave an enthusiastic thumbs up. By contract, Mike Pence is officially only allowed to say one thing and he capably moved it over to his New Democratic persona saying, “What Donald Trump has done is exactly right.”

 

 

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Stevieslaw: So Close

Stevieslaw: So Close

After taking us out of the Paris accords, gutting environmental regulations on the eve of hurricanes, and most recently praising Nazis, Klansmen and White Nationalists as fine people and pardoning the Sheriff of Nottingham, while ending the dreamers program because we are a nation of laws, President Trump has announced a series of campaign-like rallies at several rust belt cities.

Stevieslaw has learned the President will announce that “America is very nearly great again.” His fervent supporters, whose lives have improved “bigly,” will erupt with wild cheers and look carefully for people to beat up. Hats and t-shirts reflecting our new near-greatness will be available at a price that mirrors our progress.

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Stevieslaw: It could be worse department

Stevieslaw: It could be worse department

You might be thinking, “It couldn’t be any worse.” What kind of President goes to a disaster zone and talks about crowd size?

“What a turnout!”

Yes. For Trump, it’s all about Trump. He could go to a ceremony at Arlington National Cemetery to honor the war dead and remark about the yuge number of grave markers that turned out to hear him speak.

And, yet.

And, yet. Here at Stevieslaw, the devastation of Hurricane Harvey has us thinking back upon Hurricane Sandy, the campaign of 2016, and, sadly, Ted Cruz. You remember Ted. The one that wanted to deny relief aid for New York and New Jersey following Sandy.

Just when we thought it was safe to stop our Antiemetic medication, pictures of that sanctimonious prick are popping up here and there again. A clear public health hazard, they appear without any warning to avert your eyes or don your special anti-Cruz glasses.

So, for those of you who can’t imagine things could be any worse, picture a Cruz/Pence administration.

We know. Not exactly the comforting article you were hoping for. Things could be worse, but only if our President were the Satanic Senator from Texas—Ted Cruz.

It’s hard to be optimistic about the 2020 Presidential race.

 

 

 

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Stevieslaw: Winter is coming

Cold here this morning in Central Pennsylvania.  Here’s what I am plannng to do:

How we deal with winter

Some pack a Speedo
and a toothbrush
and race
south to sun.

Some tennis ball the dryer
to plump the parka.
Wax skis
darn wool socks,
bounce restlessly
on booted feet
awaiting snow.

I shovel in paperbacks,
three tins of pipe blend,
a gross of canned beans.
I prime the fire with summer’s news,
curtain windows
ease into my recliner
and wait.

 

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